Connecting my Scattered Thoughts

My thoughts have been all over the place this week- even more scattered than usual!

I was so indecisive about what my post was going to be about this week that I missed my usual Wednesday night update. Even tonight I am still unsure exactly where this is headed but I am going to run with it.

Connections has been a theme in my brain this week- similar to a bond, but yet different, at least to me. Stay with me while my scattered thoughts hit this page.

This is a photo of 2 of Shane's "cape friends" - Michael and Laura - I snapped this as they were walking away after their visit to Deerfield Academy the Monday after Mother's Day. They were awed by the beauty of Deerfield's campus. Neither had ever been but had certainly heard stories about it. Shane may have shared the tales while soaking in the hot tub, lounging by the pool, "chillin" in the basement or on one of the many cape beaches he loved. Michael made a comment along the lines of- "so that is Barton dorm, boy did I hear some stories about that place- and I probably should not share them." I can only imagine! None of that really matters- what does matter is that they were able to visually make a connection to some place that was important to Shane. And to experience another part of Shane, some of the land part. Shane truly spent 21 years at Deerfield, not just the 4 while he was a student. He grew up on this beautiful campus- this community helped us to raise him and continue to help us navigate losing him. The three of us sat on Gordie's bench ( see previous blog posts if you do not where or what that is ) we laughed, we cried, we shared stories- we connected. I was sad to see them go, but I was so very glad they had come. They both helped to fill some of the cracks in this Moms heart. Being around people that love Shane, that feel him, that see the signs, that believe they are better people from having known him- those are who I will always have time for.

This is a photo from today- also on Deerfield Academy's beautiful campus - in the back ground- the big white tent that will host commencement this Sunday. It is bittersweet to think about, I am naturally drawn to 2021 when Shane graduated- not under this beautiful tent- but under the tennis pavilion on a freezing cold day that had torrential downpours. This soon to graduate class will be the last of the DA students that shared this campus with Shane, he a senior and they freshmen. The last class that has that connection to him. As a 19 year employee at Deerfield, you can not help but connect more deeply with some students than others. This year for certain a young lady will graduate that I am incredibly proud of, would gladly claim her as my own and I can not wait to see what amazing things she does with her bright future. Our connection was certainly deepened by the loss of Shane, she became such a bright spot to many of my very dark days. I am not sure she will ever be able to fully understand how much she helped me. It isn't anything special that she said, or that she did- it was just her simply being her true authentic genuine self. I will miss her presence on campus- but I believe that we have made a connection that will be there for a very long time to come.

Then there is this guy- my boss for the past 7? 8? years, Marshall Carroll the Director of Boyden Library. Director that is for about 2 more weeks- he will be moving on from Deerfield to continue his career in Boca Raton, Florida. Another connection- one that I am grateful for and also one that I hope I can keep. I could not have asked for a better boss, and he could not have asked for a more unreliable employee! Marshall has ridden the rollercoaster of my life right along side me, offering steadfast support. During his tenure, I not only lost Shane, but my mother after a long 9 month hospice journey and my uncle that I was co guardian of with my Dad. All of that was in the last 2 years. Beyond that there were days I missed due to nurse shortages, unexpected illnesses and hospitalizations of Colin and some of my own health unknowns. I am so appreciative for his unwavering support, compassion and prayers for me and my family. I know you are going to miss me- and I too will miss you.

Good luck Marshall!

Connections- things that bring us close through similarities or sometimes tragedies. Connections we make where we live, where we work- they are part of our every day life. Perhaps I am just now starting to be more appreciative.

Who, what and where do you connect to or with?

Thank you for connecting with me here. Check back next week - next Thursday is the awarding of McCarthy Brothers Bond Scholarship.