Sibling Loss-The Loss of a Lifetime

For many a sibling is our first friend and we expect them to be there always. They are the keeper of inside jokes, childhood memories and should be with us for the journey of our lifetime. The loss of a sibling creates an ache for all the memories that will never get made and the constant reminder that someone is missing.

November is worldwide bereaved sibling month- fitting since it is the month that Colin lost his only sibling- his brother Shane. On the 30th it will mark 2 years since Shane's untimely passing. Two very long years.

It has been noted that siblings are often labeled the silent mourners- their grief often overlooked by the more prominent grievers- the parents or perhaps a spouse. Another article that I read references horizontal grief; the loss of a sibling fractures shared history and an expected future and it creates a specific kind of insecurity that can not be acknowledged by others.

My heart weighs heavy wondering how Colin feels, what he thinks, how he is processing his own grief. How can I best support him on his journey while he has no words to express his needs?

There simply is no one left on this earth that loved him like Shane did.

"There is no love like the love for a brother.

There is no love like the love from a brother."

-Astrid Alauda

On the days when Colin is sullen I make assumptions that he is missing his brother. On the days that he is extra sleepy I like to imagine him in an alternate world or in his dreams where he is reunited with Shane. In those dreams in that world I envision them catching up on everything that they have missed out in the past 2 years. Or perhaps on those days when Colin doesn't even want to open his eyes- it is just too hard to be present- that the hurt is too heavy for my brave warrior boy to bear.

In the spring of last year I spent some time with a renowned Psychic Medium in the area. I know what some of you are thinking- not everyone is a believer- but I sure am. During our hour long session one of the concerns I had was for Colin and how sad he must be after losing his brother. She quickly stopped me mid sentence and declared that Shane was not lost, that Shane was a part of Colin just as he had always been. However now, the souls of my two boys were in one body. She went on to emphasize that Shane would continue to watch over and protect Colin just as he had done here on Earth. This was such a relief for me to hear and has stayed with me ever since.

Brothers Forever

But nonetheless I miss witnessing their physical interactions, the way they looked into each others eyes and had long deep conversations without saying a word. Or quite the opposite when Colin would hear Shane in another room and would begin to vocalize to summon his presence- Colin getting louder and louder until Shane arrived in the room where Colin was calling him from. Creating a grin from ear to ear on Colin's face declaring victory upon achieving his goal. And then there are the Colin pouts that came whenever Shane would say goodbye. I know I was always pretty pouty when he would leave as well. I just know that Colin has a tremendous hole in his heart and in true mother form I just want to make it better.

Colin and I are relying on Shane's friends and all the other people that Shane encountered throughout his life to help keep Shane's memory alive. Help Colin to continue to have a relationship with his brother. Please plan a visit to share some stories or send a note or email that tells us a story we have never heard. Help us to keep the bond between the McCarthy Brothers strong.

To the many reading that may have lost a sibling- we are always ready to hear about them too.

Side by side or miles apart,

siblings will always be connected by heart.

Some brothers are even better than a superhero.

special thanks to the beautiful photos taken by DZP